I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
