And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize