Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
