We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
