My boss' voice literally gives me gas
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
