So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
