I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
