I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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