we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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