The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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