my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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