in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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