once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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