Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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