Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
