People in love make me want to vomit
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
