Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
