I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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