grandma shit on top of the toilet
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
