Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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