Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
