I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
