Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
