I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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