CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
