I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
