why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
