Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
high people should be assigned attendants
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize