she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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