He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
