The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
