i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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