The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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