How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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