I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
