Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
