i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
