im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
