Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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