We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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