I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
