ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
