I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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