take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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