i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
