Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
