Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize