remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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