I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
