I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
