I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
