I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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