I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
