I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
