can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
