Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
