I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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