I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
