Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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