Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
