Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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