Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
