you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Even my vagina gasped.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
