I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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