are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
