can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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