my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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