i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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