She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
