69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
