I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
