ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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