Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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