I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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