i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
