just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
