Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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